but everythingmeans nothing.

Sunday, October 26, 2008
i dont feel good... i dun noe what i want actually.... my life sucks and i hate my life to the max.... i juz dunno y i shud have been like this. i hate myself for doing all this things tat i shud not have done... i never noe tat my life is as bad as this now....i never get wat i want in love... but i never noe coz i only love one and never give the ooportunity to others but the ooportunity to others is never great..i love him so much.... but did he love me?
he dont..... and he will never.... weellll.... this is my life.... i hate it so much wen it cumes to love life!
how bout job? i also never get the job i need but wen i get i leave it forgranted... i juz hate my self again and again!!! aku tak penah nak hapi,nak bersyukur dgn ape yg ade dalam kehidupan aku nie.... arrrgghh!!! i realise..... i had been bad and disobeying god... im sorry god for all i had done to u... im full of sins.... the sins u never wana forgive... haiz..... dunno lah.... i hope god take gud care of me... tats all....its never to late to changes.... dada..
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|4:34 PM

supposed to werk yesterday at ikea and i dont turn up.... watt the hell u yati!!! and the best thing i called up and say i cant make it today due to taking care of my mum who is sick... but its true kay!!! truely true... mum sakit gigi and bengkak.. no one is at home after dad wen to werk at 3.30pm... so im the one who have to be with her.... well..... i juz can say.... i malaz to go werk lor.... dunno y... padahal gaji besar tau.... hahahah!
all this idea was out on my mind dunno wat else can i do to help myself with werk... pizza hut ada panggil kat jurong,so is it ok to join? lagipun gaji dua kali seminggu... dapat buat tambah2 sikit per kan???pay date every 21st and 7th of the mth...dunno lah kan... mcm ner lagi cara nak dpt duit lebih eh??? ikea dah panggil aku plak tanak pi..mati mcm nie!!! arrrgghh...shitlah life......
im applying for ica now.... if i gotit.. i will just go.... i will jus go ahead and werk.. coz.. i need it i mean the job.... government job is also beter wat ryte...
okla people.... i will update again later on..... c ya...!!
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|10:42 AM

Saturday, October 25, 2008
life is so complicated yeah.. dunno wat i can do with the rest of my life soon.... i juz dunno..i have fail having sumone i luv so much and i fail to be sumone who i really wanted to.....life is bored but im happy...
as long as im happy.. i hope everything is fine.... as long as i have him although not everyday.... i still hapi and he still makes my day.... hmmpphh!!! life is so sweet wen cumes to love.... but it is painful too..... wat to do kan.... hidup memang mcm nie..... ekekeke....
tadi lagik sikit aksiden.... tapi syukurlah nothing happen.... allah maseh selamatkan aku..haha! walau aku nie jahat dan banyak dosa yg terpendam..hahh! wat the hell nur!! oklah... im off to bed.. tiring.. and got 3 days off.... nites...
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|2:05 AM

Wednesday, October 22, 2008
hullaaa....i just got a feeling sumthing is not ryte... y did he msg again today and said..
'u.im paying my road tax with my gerl,u dun msg me first k,so sori bout tat,thanks'
well.... my mind have been thinking all the positiv and negatives things... arrghh! told faezah bout tis andshe commented a lotz.... thanks gf... i understand wat u mean but love is always love.. we can nver forget...i jus hate myself for loving him!! watever......!!!!
one more thing is..... im just hapi for u but do take care... if u cumes back to me.. god will sure take gud care of us...theres a lots of gud and bad things... so better stay as it is.. i dunno!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
life for me is so complicated man..... entahlah.. aku taktau ape nak jadi dgn hidup aku nie.. penuh dgn dosa dan kepayahan.... arrgghh!!! ampunkan aku ya tuhanku....
adek came interview at sb tadi.. hope she gets the job... hmm,hopefully! oklah my dear frens.. i just hope for the better in life... tats it!
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|10:52 PM

semalam malam... met him.... we went overnite and i just wanna say i luv him so much!!! love him to the max more and much more everyday babes! haiz... geram aku dengan dier... oh yeah.... if i wud be his....i wud be the most hapy lady like ever i told u...
'ku akui ku sangat sangat menginginkanmu...tapi kini kusadar ku diantara kalian... aku tak mengerti ini semua harus terjadi....'
'ku akui ku sangat sangat mengharapkanmu tapi kiniku sadar ku takkan bisa,tapi aku tak mengerti kenapa ini semua harus terjadi...'
'kucinta kamu tak bermakna ku harus memilikimu selamanya..'
------------------------------------------
sumtimes i juz wanted to forget him but i just cant.. sumtimes i want to jus let him go... but i cant.. and i just want to make sure i dont have any feelings for him but i juz cant man... i cant!!! ijust want to be open with him but i juz cant kip it to my heart.... i jus cant denied the love i had for him is strong..dunno..only god noes all... i gtg, nites....
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|12:11 AM

Sunday, October 19, 2008
u noe sumthing??? aku nak cerita nie...
dulu bile kerja airport..... duit gaji besar dan lumayan tapi tak hapi dgn kerjanya... terus aku berenti.. duit taktau kemana tiap kali gaji takde duit tau...maksud aku habis.. can earn almost 2k but hidup takde duit.. boros belanja itu ini... bile kerja spinelli dgn gaji kecik... alhamdulilah aku dapat kumpul duit.. dapat beli itu ini.. dpt simpan... dapat beli kereta lagik....lumayan btol walau keje dgn duit gaji yg sedikit dapat jimat dan tak terlalu boros...
kau tahulah jadi perempuan dalam hidup nie mcm2 nak beli.. lagik dulu kerja airport beli baju levi's,minyak wangi,make up,stokin panty hose yg aku tak gemar tu,mcm2 lah...hidup aku sneang untuk beberapa bulan je time keje airport....dgn gaji yg lumayan sekali.... sejak keje airport aku brenti aku pikir masak2 nak keje ape.. aku keje starbucks jelah itu keputusan aku so skrg nak masuk one half mth keje sbux... so far now ok stil coz i learn how to be myself... walau hidup susah dan duit tak sebanyak yg aku nak... skrg aku dapatlah cukup2 makan untuk duit handphone,duit bill,duit kereta and duit carpark aku tuh... alhamdulilah.. aku tahu rezeki tu memang pemberian tuhan. jadi kan, miskin kaya sederhana semua ketentuan allah... sama juga mcm jodoh itu ketentuannya juga.. dengan siapa aku akan menikah dan punya anak nanti juga tuhan yg telah tentukan... insyallah ....
one thing..aku nie maseh jahat.. jadi aku sedarlah ape salah2 aku.... aku perlukan masa dan harus perlu perlukan jinakkan diri dgn menjadikan diri aku nie ke arah kebaikan.... tapi sekrg macam belum masanya untuk totally changed... i dunnolah...
im gona stay single now.... till i found sumone who can really makes my eye open big and make me crazy for tat him!!! i found one tat make me crazy fully for him but he never wants to love me for who i am... but although he dun love me i still love him...i found tat man who i trust... jahat pun tetap aku suke.. noty tau! hahaha
but to find sumone who is sincere.... very nice man,the one who mempertingkatkan agama kelajan hiudpnya itulah pilihan ku tapi jgn lah terlalu alim sampai tak bleh itu ini kan... yg penting dier ikhlas dan bersih suci hatinya.... insyallah...
well...... im gona story again later... ader orang datang nie.. ahackz...! dada!
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|2:07 PM

Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Mine
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|1:09 AM

Saturday, October 11, 2008
halu..... im just pissed off by him siah tis week.... haiz!! he really makes me feel tat im just noting to him... after i gave him all my heart and soul.. my everything to himmm he makes me like this seh.. sial punya jantan.hahah! but ape[pun aku tetap syaang dier.... cuma aku harus kasi dier pelajaran jugak.... hmmpphh! biarlah.. aku tak kuasa... ape nak jadi jadilah kay.... let him be...
starbucks was ok now just tat i need tome to adapt....met fei lian tadi and we go eat....go vivo tadi.... oklah.. dada!
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|1:18 AM

Sunday, October 05, 2008
walau aku senyum bukan berarti...
aku slalu bahagia dalam hari..
ada yang tak ada di hati ini.. di jiwa ini.
hampa...
ku bertemu sang adam di simpang hidupku
mungkin akan ada cerita cinta
namu ada saja cobaan hidup seakan aku hina..
tuhan berikan aku cinta untuk temaniku dalam sepi..
tangkap aku dalam terangkmu...
biarkanlah aku punya cinta
tuhan berikanlah aku cinta..
aku juga berhak bahagia..
berikan restu dan halalmu..
tuhan.... beri aku cinta...
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|6:53 PM

Friday, October 03, 2008
life was so the boring man..haha! i jus feel im not welcum in sb cu but i guess like wat hakim says.. do ur jon and just dont care bout others... hmmpphh! ok.. i will...
i guess he is having an ovrnite wit the gf so i hope he will be happy lor.. hmmpphh! im just sumtimes sick and tired of him but my heart can let him go ye.. nape eh? aku heran seh dgn hati aku nie.. mau berani jer lepaskan dier... arrrhgggh!! i hate my love life...8 years of suffering miting him...i hate my self for loving him too.... shitlah!!! arrgghhh........ oklah people.. i gtg... take care yeah.... tomorow mayeb on mc..haha! byes!
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|1:12 AM

Wednesday, October 01, 2008
sELAMAT hari raya aidilfitri.....maaf zahir dan batin.... yuuuhhuu...!!! aku harap tahun nie makin membawa berkat.. insyallah!!! apepun aku harap tuhan akan mejadikan aku anak yg baik dan jaga diri sebaik baiknya.... insyallah!!!..
life is as easy as abc but u have to be able to handle it with all ur hearts... oklah i wana go my aunt house.. bubyess.... take cares..
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|6:13 PM