but everythingmeans nothing.

Thursday, July 31, 2008
hi babes! im back... after my off day on tuesday and leaves on wednesday,i mit him at nite and we spend our nite together ... although his too tired and sleepy.. he still endure me.. accompany me and he still spent the day and nite iwth me... i noe hes tired but.. who cares.. i love him... hehe! anyways.... thanks dearie.... will remember our date!! next time we mit again kay..
life is so complicated.... i just wish i cud get him back like usual.. if he serius wit the gerl... he shud have leave me..let me go in my own world and let me get sumone else... but he dun ...he dun bother to.... so i jus take as usual... i just go on withmy life as it is as i love him much much more than i love myself... maybe but im not supposed to.. i need to love myself more... arrgghh.. nvm... let him be... one day he will noe he is wrong.... let him chose... her or me... hhahah! let him decide.. kalau aku dah lawa n kurus nanti.. baru dier tahu... nyesal pulak nantu..ekekekeke.... watever nur....
semoga tuhan menjodohkan aku dgn org yg aku sayang....insyallah...amin!
oklah... nex next week maybe i take leaves again coz i want to find myself... hangin sumwhere..hahaha! ok lah,take care... i nd to releks... need time to cool myself down.. dada...
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|9:18 PM

Monday, July 28, 2008
yes leave me,mum and makbusu go out to sentosa and relexing by the sea..haha! we are very happi to go there and i drive in to sentosa... then on our way back we went to vivo cit fro jalan2 and we eat at Fig and olive for a while... i spend 51 on 3dishes ans not bad lah.. very full man... haha! the food was tempting but ist different from swensens... coz at swensens if u finish ur main course u still can eat ice cream but here.. i feel like im too fool for tat..haha! aniwaez.. i enjoy myself there... reach hoem at about 2230 and watch tv and have a rest... duh! tired but im still fine here.... today i werk afternun shift and wen my fren check ufis i'll be doing eg.... gudlah takut nanti dorg tukar lagik... woohhhoo...
well... life is getting better nowadays juz tat my life is sickening wen cumes to BF!! i need to forget him seriusly... hes not my type of man who can take gud care of me for sure... u c how he makes my feeling sick... how he makes me fell and makes me damn sad... i hate it man...
this few weeks... it seems tat he dun bother me at all... so y must i botehr him then?? janji kita nak jumpe besok malam pun i guess dier tak jadi... i got this feeling tak jadi coz he need to mit up with his gerl though for sure ryte?? who am i anyway.....juz a stupid gerl who give so much hopes towards him who dont love me at all...sighh......i msg him also havnt reply for now... haiz! ntah2 nak kawin soon...
well... life is complicated though....just endurelah kan... im 24 now and i need to be strong to live this world..yeah.... hope i remmeber tat nur... im getting off tomroow and anuall leave the next day on wednesday,gudlah.. sape nak keje seh... bosan jer... see yar..
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|11:47 AM

Sunday, July 27, 2008
hey...im fine here...
im juz bored now.. while waiting for mum to get ready wanna go sentosa.. haiz! lamanyernak kemas and siap... if i help pon tkde guneyer... haiz! anyway...life is getting happy especially at werk... i guess... if nothing go wrong,im gona stay put here 1st before deciding to werk sumwhere else... anyway... im happy to be with a grup of frens all over me...they bought me a present and im just glad to have fren all around! duh...tuesday nite is the day i met him... but if he cant make it,im just saying thanks to him for everything.... i juz had enuff of him and thanks 4 being there 4 me wen im alone... u're the man who catch my heart,u're sumone who makes me crazy mad and makes my life more worst sumtimes... but u're a man who makes me happy for the past years and u're the man who makes me sad tooo for the past years noeing u....glad to noe u and unlucky to noe u... u give me the life.. u give me the best time together wen i met u.... u're my dream man but i cant have u on my own coz ur heart is for sumone else......im just a fool gerl to love u.. fool person to expect anything form u.... oh my god!!!! life is so complicated but i have to leave u on ur own... u have her... haiz..
and.....again today i dream of u...i dream u msg me for two times but i havent got the time to read ur msgg.. skali i went tis Hongkong hotel to stay and to me not noeing i met u inside the lift together with ur gf family...ur gf talk to me and she wearfull make up. u were shock and me too... u went holiday with them siah... and me???? and i get this msg from u..
'c u on tuesday nite".... so i tot, tis cuming tuesday u're not gona make it.. lets c if my dream is ryte or wrong.. wat i think is.. u're not gona make it.. coz u're with her.... curfew with her..... arrrgghh, watever..and there my bdae wish were gone...
dream is dream... and my dream is always true.... msg u but never reply..... u leave me also a true dream.. my dream betweeen us is always right...dunno lah.... if its time to leave, i have to leave... i dun wanna be sumone who makes u difficult..i dun want u to hate me...i just want to be me...
on my 24th bdae.. i wish i cud be sumone more matured,happier and sumone whol oves god more than i did b4.... i nd to refresh myself with god teaching and i have to be a successful women...life is great without u coz u always makes me sad...haha!
thanks to allah for meeting us together.... u're the wrong person sent by him and im sure this is given by god to makes me more thoughful of love,of life and future day ahead....god thought me to be more serius person.more ambitious woman and hectough me a lesson that love is never gona always be urs ..even if u love tat person so much... i must learn more of my islam studies soon... very soon and in a mths time, gona be bulan ramadhan... isnyallah! welcum the ramadhan with all my heart.... life is great with great people around..on leave today and im gona werk again tomoroow and off on tuesday and leaves on wed... dada....
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|10:58 AM

Friday, July 25, 2008
hey..im 24...happy birthday to myself... hope everything is fine..
i got a coach bag from my colleagues!!!! wah... ncie man.. thanks to pat,shiqin,trudy,daphne... heheh.. love u guys..... a coach walet tat cost 180... wow! thanks babes......!!! i love it...
today i nyte shift.. havent even sleep since yesterday nite... abeslah.. malam confem mata bengkak punyer..... hahaha... mati lah aku... asik ngantuk jer.... besok balik konfem flat.... oklah peeps... i gtg... hapy nite... 25july is over...
24 years back im born.... and today.. im still standing strong...
im really upset with him wen he dun even msg me to say happy birthday.... so tis means... after our nite celelbration tis few days ahead... im gona try to leave him slowly.. hes not for me.... hes not mine... to let my feelings go is the best.... nites!!!
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|9:26 PM

Thursday, July 24, 2008
tomorow im 24.... well. i thanks to allah for everything tat he gives me... i juz need one to complete my life hapineess.... meanin,i jus need a man who can complete my life and be my husband who can take gud care of me and my family.... loves me for who i am.... heheh! hope tat i met tat man soon....
im 24 siah.. old!!! hahha... anyway. i miz the age 21... forver 21.. .ekekke! lifes been great for this 24 years of life... hapy and sad moment i had gone tru with all hearts... hapy and happy alwayz....in life we must be happy.. although we dunno wat will hapen tomorow.... we juz stay as happy as we cud.... and wen smile is given from the face.. the happyness is always there..... god love us.. so we must be happy...
haha.... will update again besok.....i love u allah... im scared of u.... im sorry for all the sins i did...i noe im very wrong.. wne its times to leave,i'll leave... leave everything! nites....semoga allah panjangkan umur ku... amin, aasalammualaikum...
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|10:23 PM

Saturday, July 19, 2008
hey! 5 days more to birthday.. wow! im gona be 24 soon... lets c wat im gona get from him.. is he going to buy me sumthing! im not expecting lah.. juz tot of only but i dont tink hes buying anything..haha! well... i love him juz tat im giving him time to releks and let him think of his own future life... im not gona msg him this few days.... tengok dier msg aku tak bday aku nanti and miting him next2 week...well... give him time to relex first lah kay..! hahhaa.... insyallah....
nyway....im juz hoping my life is gona be great and hapii.. tats all i need... juz tat he is my secret lover... i like him... like him to max and i just cant forget him.. although i forget him but i will still remeber him well.. my mind is till always tinking of him..theeeeee..........i wanna try to win his heart back..im trying but c howlah... if theres another man gona pick my heart up.. im gona be his...wow!! like waaahhh...hahaha! well.... its not easy to love sumone seh... hoping for a btter and brighter future... im 24 and im gona be fresh handling myself well... wakakakaa...
by 27 i target i got a bf and by 30 if im not married..i will be taking anak angkat..eheheh! then.... i wanna explore the world... go holiday with my mum and myself... haiz...... love love love is all arounD!!! dada.....
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|12:57 PM

Friday, July 18, 2008
its gud to have a blog for me coz.. i noe wat happen to me in the past.. dulu aku rajin tulis tapi memenatkan plak so i found and created the blog for my own...well... its a very important blog man.. hehe! its about me my life and my own future..today he go back 3.45.. im sure hes meeting his gerl.. today besok and sunday... maybe 3 daes straight.. best eh?? haiz... aku jugak yg ketinggalan tk dpt kuar dgn dier.. and of coz the gerl is hapi to have him coz its just between me and him.. rahsia antara kita berdua jer dgn tuhan saje yg tahu..
well.. princess dier... hope u will noe how bad ur man is one day... and i hope he is gona be mine if u back up..haha! hoping seh aku.. jgn haraap nur... im waiting for my nite with him.... and of coz... im gona be happi with him for sure.... jadilah for at least one whole day and nite... okie dokie... take care peeps...
im going off to werk soon at 4.30.. im just sick and tired of werk.... penat and tak tentu timing...waduh! oklah... byes!
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|1:48 PM

Thursday, July 17, 2008
how i wish... hes mine...???haiz... but he is not mine.. he is sumone else!! i hate it wen this tyme cums... the feeling for him is cuming strong....i juz hope tis feeling can go off juz like tat but i cant..im juz hurting my self... hes out wit another gerl behind me... and me?? im left all alone without him.... im juz alone... i missed him seh..... oh god... can u plz sent me love... love from him.... i juz love him deep deep.... no one can help me on this... except myself... i jus love him to the max and i hope he will be mine one day..
saat saat ini.. aku masih memerlukanmu dalam hidupku..
aku rindukan mu kerna aku tahu kaulah segalanya dalam hidupku...
kau berikanku harapan tapi kau juga berikanku kehancuran...
kau kuatkan kehidupanku ini... kau berikan ku kepercayaan..
aku rindu akan kamu.... aku sayang akan kamu..
walau apepun terjadi aku tetap menyintaimu....
walau kau sudah berpunya.. kau tetap impian hatiku kerna kau cinta pertamaku...
next week im 24 years old... how old am i man!! old...damn old...hahaha!
buti wish one day jodoh aku pada dier.... aku serahkan pada tuhan semuanya... kerna aku pasrah... aku redha dgn ketentuan illahi... ku terlalu menyayangimu.... teramat sayang padamu....terpaut cinta dan sayang padamu..
tshirt yg aku kasi pun aku ikhlaskan.... semuanya ikhlas dari hati... specially for him...
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|10:05 PM

mit him smlm malam... but... he tido!! tid obeb.. nak jumpe 1145 at nite but he was slping....geramnyer aku.. 3 jam dier tertdo dgn handphone dier yg silence tuh.... cekik darah tol seh..geram giler nyer aku kat dier.... then.... kol by2 kali tak angkat... aku msg faezah.. i was j.east macdonald duduk.. akkan nak balik pagi2 buta.. trus... 2.30 on the dot.. he kol.... "eh u... u katner?? i tertido nie.... sorie u.. tak sadar lah... " aku pun ckp... asal boleh tdo?haiz.... i dah agak.. terus dier pi mandi cepat2 pi siap2 jumpe aku.. haha! dgn lincah tak sampai setengah jam.. dier dah sampai... wah.. bagus! he felt guilty for wat he had done.... shud be werking at 07.45 but he malaz msg his supervisor said hes not cuming.. cuming at 12 later... hish.. nak tido nyer pasal eh.... haha! takpelah... kesian... aku pun tak leh buat ape hanye dgn meminta maaf... takkan dier busted plak kan? he never did tis to me... i trust him...tu yg buat aku sayang kat dier... oklah... then.. he send me to mrt tadi pagi n he go werk.... im glad he noes hes wrong... will be miting him in two weeks time coz its my bdae next week and he will be with me on the 29 and 30... im palnning where to go now... hehehe.... lets have a gud place to go... since its my bdae wish.. hehe! oklah.... im not alone.. faezah also same... she gif everything.. hehe! oklah babes.. c ya!
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|4:37 PM

Monday, July 14, 2008
puspa(putuskan saja pacarmu)-st12
kau gadisku yang cantik
coba lihat aku disini
di sini ada aku yang sayang padamu
kau gadisku yang manis
coba dekat aku disini
di sini ada aku yang cinta padamu
* walau ku tahu bahwa dirimu
sudah ada yang punya
namun aku tunggu sampai kau mau
reff:
woo woo jangan jangan kau menolak cintaku
jangan jangan kau ragukan hatiku
ku kan selalu setia menunggu
untuk jadi pacarmu
woo woo jangan jangan kau tak terima cintaku
jangan jangan kau hiraukan pacarmu
putuskanlah saja pacarmu
lalu bilang I LOVE U padaku
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|6:42 PM

Saturday, July 12, 2008
im clueless.... im jus tired of my life with him... i got a teribble dream.. u noe wat? i didnt go to werk today... i had a bad dream wen i woke up at 4.11am wen kak ju wake me up with her msg.. i was crying im my dreams actually... u noe sumthing? i dream i msg him.... he didnt reply... wen i msg again, he angry and reply that, he dun want me to msg him again...cthe letter or sms goes like this...
' u jgn msg i lagi,u ingat main2 ape cakap jumep i kat aft5..? and so on..... "
i was pissed off and i cry... i cry and cry and go sumwhere and run and run.... lepas run, i met with tis two men... look like indian muslim, he as me to go inside this building,,, he as me to study... i tot tat is the pub...haha! means... he cared for me still coz he ask me to study...im young,trus i run again i saw this chinese gerl at this shop and ask me to help her to chose piasan mcm frame to be put at her house.... wah!! in this dream im sure there is sumone who still love and care for me although i dun have him in my life.... i understand this message... so.. wen i let him noe bout my dream... he laugh at me! wat the hell! bloody hell man.... he dun even noe how to say jgn lah ingat bukan2 ke.. its juz a dream ke.... i wont do tat ke.. nie tidak... slalunyer mimpi aku betul tau... so maybe tis is the correct one... correct dream tat i shud take as a lesson in life.... i hate him if he do tis...then i msg.. nak jumpe dier mcm susah mcm tuh... ntahlah... he make me like a toy...sex toy kot??? aaarrgghh.......watever man... i jus hope one day the gerl realise bout his cheating! if not with me.... maybe with other gerls.... fuck him lah... i just hate it.... u c wen u angry with sumone... u can say anithing u want... like me... hahaa!say anithing i want as long im happy.... so 13 days to 24.... mitinghim next week maybe and miting him on my bdae or on the 30th.... i just hope tat it will be the last time i give my luv to him and im off and gonna leave him... i try.. cant promise but i try too... try to forget him.. try to leave him... i will try to... i can ask god for help but me myself must be willing to leave him... i shud.... how to? can sumone help me?? im depressssss!!!!! i hate tis feeling of mine.... he is sumone....not mine....life have to go on... i need to leave him.. plz...god help me..... i hate my life wen i have to love him like hell and he didnt even need me.... wen time cumes.... u noelah.... i shud leave... one more thing... i just have to help myself... i hate my love life... arrrghhh..!!!
one day... confem dier mesti kawin jugak.... and me???? im gona be sad and gona be away from him..... tapi dah kawin byk dugaan.... if he still msg me... i will be sad stilll..dunno lah!!
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|2:45 PM

Sunday, July 06, 2008
hey!! boring seh.. aku dah mula bosan dgn dier... ape tak... dier dah kuar dgn gerl dier... arrrgghh.... i just think dat one day... i'll make sure the gerl noe how bad he is man.... he really makes his gerl trust him 100 percent siah... wat the hell!! how clever is he ryte... so damn clever... i juz dunnoe wat to say.. i hope.... i get sumone who is not like him definitely..y eh? the love and the think for him is so strong?? i dunnoe y seh... he is juz nothing to me actually but he means a lot... i like him.. like him for who he is..but the gerl??? arrrgghhh....was being cheated by him ..cheated ??? i hate guys who cheat the gerl... like him!!! but why must i like him???ya allah.. plz let him go out of my life... i juz hate him to the max.. haiz.. dunno lah.... life has been bored..only god noes who will be my jodoh... entahlah.. maybe my life has been fated not to get married... or my life has been fated not to have any guys... ntah... i hate my love life!!!
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|2:23 PM

Friday, July 04, 2008
hey...assalammualaikum! its friday..and.. its gona be end of the week soon... im trying to be ok.. haha! but im not ok for this few daes.. my mind is always wondering... wondering bout him and my emotions are really sucks! hahaha...y shud i tink of this? it makes me crazy sumtimes man.. i juz dunno wat to say... its the inner feeling and it really grows ... betul people ckp... sekali kene abeslah... otak tak menentu.. pikiran asik tak tenteram... haiz... susah seh mcm nie...
and that is wen im gona look for more...hahaha! giler siak aku... haiz.!! aku mcm nak amek mcm jer tis few daes... tak pun my leaves... maybe tis few days lah... im really tired of all this...penat tau.. penat keje dgn karenah org2...haiz...
i guess im not gona be long here... once i got my confirmation... i maybe leave the company... i guess so... start taking leaves and im gona get away from all this.... stresing life... and my everyday life is so bored ... sebuah penyiksaan seh.. asik nak tahu ape kerja yg aku nak buat hari ke hari.. kan penat.. irritating kan?? haiz....tgklah mcm ner... after 5 mths is the company.. i jus miss my life in fnb line... fun and great.. arrgghh.. dunnolah... c how kay... need to siap2 to go werk.. 6 days of aternun shift was a very tiring day man... haiz... wateverlah kay..dada!!
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|1:50 PM

Thursday, July 03, 2008
todat i ot counter... 5.30am to 2pm and get last hour break.. alhamdulilah..! i supposed to mit him today for a while but im juz too tired and malaz.. biaserlah.. penat siol... and i guess hes also angry with me.. coz last minute tak jadi per... hahah! tat time pun dier tak jadi per... skrg aku plak tak jadi but not in purpose mah..ryte not?? im juz defending myself... anyway... he is still the man i go for but why mus be him.. let him go ti.. u have to learn how to let him go.... but till now after 9 years u still havent got the guts to let him go out of ur life... and im counting the gerl have been with him for like 3and the half years... very fast huh?? haiz... i never got him... maybe... this few days.. i have to try to forget him for a moment and focus on my job.. on my birthday.. spent my entire day and nite with him and maybe.... tats the last b4 i ever let him go forver... but i wish i can do tat.. i can juz tat i have to try.... no harm trying, belief in urself and imsure im able to forget him... arrrgghh.. i juz go on with my life... im gona be 24 and no guy by my side yet.. i feel lonely man.. oklah... life have to go on still.. nothing new.. dada!!
NuR Cahaya Hatiku|9:10 PM