strum

but everythingmeans nothing.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

~Inilah Fuad... the best n Gud Fren whu is my idol n inspiration!!~ wakakaka

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|12:46 PM

its 29 January..aku msg dier,but he dun reply,suruh sis aku msg pon,dengan pantas dier reply,haiz..knape tuhan ku??dier jemu dengan aku??atau ibu bapanya telah bukakan hatinye ke pangkal jalan??jika benar,aku terima kehendak tuhan,jika tidak,dier dengan gadi lain,aku tahu aku tak berhak tapi aku benar sedih..hanya tuhan yg dapat mengubahnya...

thanks To my gud fren.. Adinho! its FuaD..glad to be his fren..i am GlaD! thank kiu Fuad.. i luv u my Fren!! hehee...
u giVe me the bet Advice ever in liFe..i really appreciate it my fren..u're now my inspiration!!!!! now n foreva always... i noe wat to do now..no one else can help me bside me myself..whu haf to... god will help me.. smlm lepas sembahyang jumaat,fuad nanges..dier terkenangkan ibu dier,hes proud to haf a mum whu born him, takde ibu kandung lain selain ibunya. aku,lepas sembahyang mlm tadik..aku menanges jugak..aku nie bukan nanges ape,aku nanges kenapa ape yg aku nak aku tak dapat,aku minta tuhan panjangkan umurku..sihatkan aku..ampunkan dosaku.. dan..yg tak dpt aku tahan ialah..menanges kerana Sharul bila mengadap berdoa pada tuhan allah..aku benar2 sedih dan terharu..terlalu pikirkan ape yg terjadik.,tak pernah aku nanges begitu teruk sekali selepas solat..
kenapa yer??petunjuk dari tuhan kot?? airmata mengenang org yg aku sayang akan pergi tinggalkan aku selamanya?? ya allah...ampunkan lah dosaku.ampun kan dosa umat2 islam di dunia ini..

"when u feel its hard wat ur goin tru..its always..patient..inallilah wainna lillahi rajiun"
he said...

jangan lar..terlalu..ikotkan sangat..pada imosi awak,sayang awak pada die..cume didalam dunie nie je..tak kan..membawa awak ke mati..jadi..kalau awak matikan diri awak..bersama kasih dan sayang awak pada die,kan sia sia..sabar..adalah sebab..kenapa..umat islam..lagi mulia..dari..masharakat lain,mereka tak penyabar.

i said "saya sakit dier tak amek taupun...dier sakit,saya kisah...tanye kabar..itu ini. skrg saya sakit...saya tanggung sendiri"
"awak....kalau gitu..awak mengharapkan pembalasan??"ape yang awak buat..jgn lar awak mengharap ape ape.jgn ikotkan perasaan ok..??hati awak..masih dipenjara...oley diri awak sendiri.awak..kurung kan diri awak..dalam bilik,awak tau awak boley keluar..tapi..oley kerana..tak nak keluar..awak sengaja siksa diri awak,semoga..awak harap satu hari,the same person..yg lock u in..will unlock the door..u kena..carik jalan keluar sendiri..u are able to do it..mintak banyak banyak doa..dengan Allah..semoga..Dia melindungi u...jgn terlalu lemah..untuk bercinta..dan jgn mudah mengaku kalah ...bila tertimpa.
asal bimbang pasal ORG??asal tak bimbang,pasal Tuhan..tu kan lebih manfaat..walau sesiape pun..membenci awak..:
tapi..kalau awak mulia disisi Allah..kan lebih sihat dan sempurna segala nya,awak tak nak ke??~~ fuad cakap...

tak ada siape yg perfect,awak pun ..same,kalau satu hari..kita terpesong ker ehh..awak advise ok?u need to move on..nobody can force u..awak ..nak kena start,dari..tengok cermin..tell urself..how beautiful u are..y are u wasting ur time.for all this,dosent give u any purpose..i said "awak rasa saya bole?"=== its not me,but i have faith..in u,so..dun sia sia kan it ok,u are a good person..dun waste ur life/tym..kita boley angkat awaknye gurau lar..pasal..awak nie kiut..jgn lupe tau..ape yg i dah bilang tadi..nick tu pi tukar"

hmm.....tat part of my converation with my gud fren fuad...lain kali sambung lagik..ya tuhan..aku bersyukur kau temukan aku dengan fuad..
dier adelah seorang sahabat yg baik..alhamdulilah..amin!! berilah dier petunjuk...insyallah...!

P/s : Azza Dun Cry..tuhan lebih menyayangi dier.. yg pergi tetap pergi,tak akan kembali.yg hidup nie akan tetap teruskan kehidupan..amin..

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|12:33 PM

Tgk Ape je minah nie...

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|12:30 PM

Saturday, January 29, 2005

MaR n Me MaRcH 2004

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|8:55 PM

Aku ~ Firah ~ iRenA

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|8:51 PM

I wanted you to be with me
For so long I don't even know why now
But now that I've given up on you
Defiantly you see me
Walking away I see the pain
You put me through
Lost in your game to change the same
Forever gone, forever you
There's something very wrong about this
I think you knew all along somehow
You'll only take me to change my mind
And leave me broken and defeated
So far away I see the truth
I see through you
Now that I know the way you play
I don't want to
Walking away I see the pain
You put me through
Lost in your game to change the same
Forever gone, forever you

Evanescence lyric....

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|3:30 PM

Please, please forgive me,
But I won’t be home again.
Maybe someday you’ll have woke up,
And, barely conscious, you’ll say to no one:
Isn’t something missing?
You won’t cry for my absence,
I know -You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?
[chorus]
Even though I’d be sacrificed,
You won’t try for me, not now.
Though I’d die to know you love me,
I’m all alone.
Isn’t someone missing me?
Please, please forgive me,
But I won’t be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
Shudder deep and cry out:
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?
[chorus]
And if I bleed,
I’ll bleed,Knowing you don’t care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there,
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t something...

Evanescence song lyric....

Im missing him like crazy Siah....how cud i block n stop my feeling away from him god?? wt shud i do??i msg him today but no reply again..is he avoiding from me?? y?? the best nyte was over with him last 2 weeks ago.. n is tat the day he gif me the last kiss??last touch?last talk?last luv?? last care?? aaarrrgggh....im all alone now! wt e fuck! life like tis! its me whu have to face it.. all my Dreams had been washed away... tear Dropping all over down From my cheek.. shouting the name.. Sharul!!! My liFe Sucks!!!

p/s: bDae FuaD 28 January 82...[u're 23]

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|3:17 PM

Friday, January 28, 2005

khai potraits....

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|9:01 AM

"AAAduuhhh!!" pedihnya,sakitnya belakang badanku ini..belah kanan pulak tuh..punyelah tak tahan.."OOuuccchhh...!!" NaSib da perGi doctor tadi..da balik pon,Sementara tunggu que,ku pergi lah ke sheng Siong Marsiling jap beli barang..beli air blueberry n peach tea. Milo kotak n coFFee nescafe tin punye! lucky my mum give me money,adelah duit nak belanja n i bought ketam nak bikin popiah ketam teluR nanti..mcm Sedap....memang sedap pon,aku yg buat
muahahaha!! harap2...sakit yg aku tanggung Sekarang inie,akan cepat
baik..tak tahan raanyer,mcm nak terkopek kulit nie,issh...ya Allah! nie Semua dugaan tuhan buat aku Sebenarnya..aku harus terima dengan ketabahan..menantikan saje waktu agar ia hilang dan kembali pulih!on the way home around 2+ pm ternampaK Firah..dier baru balik BBdC..minah manis Tuh! hehehe,tinggal dekat marsiLIng kan dekat jer,depan mata MRT..untung!! aku pon tak pi jumpe hafiz am! malaz ar.4 wat??? he conferm tengok 4 looks punye! buat bodoh ar! kalau dier kawan,dier takkan paksa-paksa jumpe kay??

Pedih aku kutahan..Sakit aku yang tanggung..hanya mak dan makbusu ku Serta ahli keluarga ku yg terlalu prihatin..saat2 tengah sakit mcm nie,aku nie perlukan perhatian dan manja..hehe..especially from my mum!i always need her..kadang2 regret Seh wat i did to her..tipu dier lagik.all just becos of tat Stupid jackass jantan! mmm..... takpelah...aku tak kiSah lah..mungkin kau Sibuk kat camp kau tuh... sampai takde masa nak MSG[sMs]aku nie kan???? perit nyer biar aku yang tanggung,tak uSahlah nak mintak tolong kau..nak bilang kau..kau tak kiSah dan tak akan ambil tahu pon kan?? wateverlah dear...
kalau bilang kau pon.kalau kau boleh hantar aku ke clinic tadi takpe,u can only say, ["eat medicine kay??? y until like tat??"]betul tak??? arrggghh...u tink i caRe?? i dun even care man! its up to u to predict n judge on me! i dun give a damn! nobody cares 4 me anyway accept for my mum,auntie n sum frens... just 4get it lah.. im never important in ur life also,im not gud enuff 4 u..,dun even haf the type of gal u wanT dear..god makes me meet the wrong person before meeting the right one..i gueessssss..... lagipon,buat ape ingat kau,bile kau tak ingat aku pon ??

Oh Tuhan ku ALLAh..,,open his heart,change his life.. to be a better guy..although if he is not for me but for other gal whose gonna be his next tym one day,if he is to be mine one day..aku bersyukur dan gembira sekali kerana dialah insan PERTAMA yg telah mencuri hatiku dan Sekiranya dia bukan untuk hati ku ini dan bukan ditakdirkan untuk aku,aku bersyukur juga keRana kau temukan ku dengan cinta pertama aku.kau Temukan aku dengannya,walaupon Sementara tapi..setidak2 nya aku dapat mengenal erti cinta sebenaR walaupon dier tak pernah menyintai aku..aku juga berterima kasih kerana dierlah manusia/insan pertama yang telah melukai hati ku ini,hingga titisan darahku ini tiada berakhir..,airmata yang mengalir meminta simpatinya pon tidak pernah diendahkan..aku hanya redha dengan ujian mu allah... amin....

Allah maha kaya,maha pengampun,pengasih,maha adil,segalanya....

[[[[ surah al-fatihah maknanya... ]]]]

Dengan nama allah yang maha pemurah lagi maha mengasihani,
Segala puji tertentu bagi allah,tuhan yang memelihara dan mentadbirkan sekalian 'alam..
Yang maha pemurah lagi maha mengasihani
Yang menguasai pemerintahan hari pembalasan [hari akhirat]
engkaulah sahaja yang kami sembah,dan kepada engkaulah sahaja kami memohon pertolongan..
Tunjukilah kami jalan yang lurus
Iaitu jalan orang-orang yang engkau kurniakan ni'mat kepada mereka,bukan jalan yang engkau telah murkai,dan bukan pula [jalan] orang-orang yang sesat...
amin....

Dahlah.,aku nak makan,mak aku masak favourite aku tau nari!! Asam PEDAS iKan SEMBILANG yg ade misai tuh! hahahah,beli pat jb smalam,dua ekor 4 just 28 Ringgit! murah eh??? hehehe, elera betullnaiklah lagik aku nie,ah..buat taktaulah..yg penting aku selesa..da mampoz nanti tak dapat makan nie! buat ape nak diet2 tul??
hehehee klah...write u again nanti..bye blog!

P/s..birthday khairul Anuar! 24..

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|7:49 AM

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Sepanjang perjalanan ini
Lembah dan lurah ku lewati
Ketenangan yang ku cari
Belum ku temui

Ku menghimpun doa bertahun
Mencari pepohon yang rimbun
Bertemu dahan yang rapuh
Tempat ku berteduh

Dulu aku sendiri
Kini masih sendiri
Hadapi hidup ini
Susah senang diri ku
Tak bertempat mengadu
Seperti burung kepatahan sayap...
Dihati kecil ku menaruh harapan...

Selagi hidup belum sudah
Aku akan terus melangkah
Ku yakin rahmat buat ku
Di hadapan menunggu...

Lagu dari Zaiton Sameon ini betul-betul dan benaR dengan kehidupan aku maSa ini.di hadapan,rahmat buatku Sedang menanti,menunggu... insyallah,allah akan melindungi umatnyer..umatnye adelah umat islamnyer seperti aku yg tak pernah laRi DaRi dosa daRi Muka bumi ini..di alam ini yg hanya aku akan tinggal buat Sementara saja...
aku tempuhi segalanye dgn ketabahan,harungi dengan dugaan,cabaran,rintangan yg harus dilalui setiap Saat,minit,jam, hari,minggu dan waktu,detik Serta bulan2 dan tahun yg mendatang...aku hanya mampu berdoa dan berterima kasih kerana tuhan telah tunjukkan Segalanya pada ku..aku bersyukur dan akan sering terima ape saja yang melanda hidup dan diriku ini..berkat tuhan tak siapa yg tahu rahmatnya akan datang..

Hari-hari aku berdoa agar tuhan dapat makbulkan doa-doaku yg aku harap2kan setiap hari,amin.. semoga kau Sihatkan keluarga ku,ibu ayahku serta abaNg2 ku agar kami bersatu dan menjadi keluarga yg bahagia hendaknya..dapatkan lah aku kerja tetap secepat mungkin.aku akan bersabar,kata orang,kalau kite dapat keje cepat kite brenti cepat takde gunanya..kalau kite betul2 carik dengan penuh kesabaran,insyallah,keje yg kita dapat itu akan kekal dan kite akan suka dengan kejenyer..hmm....its true...hopefully.

sabaR itu separuh dari iman..
amat mulia sekali jika diamalkan nya...

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|1:10 PM

Gud MoRn...guess,tis tyme im going jb again a little while.gile jb lah aku nie eh..aik jb jer..msia,msia,msia..muuhahahahah...

erm,i tink sooner or later,i got to go away from u,i wanna let u realise how much u need me in ur life..tis few years,ive been like a stone,a doll to u..i've gif u too much attention and too much luv,too much care,too much of all ur nonsense n ur stupid ideAS..im very very tooooooo patients with all ur willings..all i've follow n i noe wat right n wats wrong.u said u noe my character...but..do you really noe wats my full character boy?? u wont noe,u wont!!! until ONE day u realise u need me by ur Side,ur life..after much my sacrifice for u,my luv,my care,my concern,how much i treasure u,how much i put aside my luv to other person just becos of u,how much i lied my parents,my family n frens on how deep my luv to u is...did u noe ?? did u?? u said u GIVE IN ..but actually DID U?? 9u dun wnt to give me anymore chances,but..why are u still seeking the love from me?? need me wen ur SICK,need love...need fren to noe ur stupid ass problems?? y must u find me man?? y?? did u noe how much i luv u most?? i noe im FOOL to u..follow all ur needs...but my needs?? did u noe?? did u follow?? u noe wat i need ryte?? i need ur care,ur luv,ur smile,ur life,ur heart,ur future,i need everything in u... i want u to be mine..but.....??? will u understand tis?? will u willing to Sacrifice ur luv 4 me Dear?? tell me plz... r u a real human being?? doesnt have any feeling towar people heart?? people life?? i dun need money.,i dun need a kis,i dun need hug,i dun need the touch from u at all if u wanna noe,r u just acting in liking me?? tell me straight to my eye will u?? not by sms...not by phone either.. i hate it! u noe i really luv u n u are always part of my life.. i shud wake up n look forwaRd..the beSt i can do is to slowly 4get u..but how?? i will try dear...i noe im not urs...in not gona be yours...5 mths counting down to ur ns life..

well...can i haf the...erm...
one last kiss?? last touch??
lst tender moment between us??
one last dance??

can??? hmmm..............ur birthday is cuming...23rd february 2005..
n u will be 23 years old...im happy for u,im glad to noe u n i never regret noeing sum1 like u..if u get the chance to read my blog,i will let u..tis blog shows me how much i luv n care for u dear.. u shud read it...u Shud dear! im gonna get u birthday present,a precious one where u can remeber me forever in ur life... once i go away from ur heart.. u stole my heart...4 years back...n im gonna let go..slowly.. noeing tat u never cherish my luv n care 4 me.. im sad.. crying wen i wrote tis,but...u will noe 1 day..how much i luv n need u.. u'll regret it...not me... !

maybe............ one best thing is...... i have to let u go...
go ur own world...n dun came back to ur heart....4 ever....
wen one day u realise.....u will get back to me... i luv u but, wen my heart is stole by sumone with a gentle heartwhu noe how to appreciate my luv,my heart,... u?? u will regret it... but i promise,my luv to u will never end dear Sharul...~i promise!~

From my broken heart...
yati....

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|2:52 AM

Weren't you the one that said, that you don't want me anymore.
And how you need your space, and give the keys back to your door.
And how I cried and tried and tried to make you stay with me.
But still you said that love was gone, and that I had to leave.
Now you, talkin bout a family
Now you, sayin I complete your dream
Now you, sayin I'm your everything
You confusin me
What you say to me
Don't play with me
Don't play with me.
Cause what goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back to me
What goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back
I remember when
I was sittin home alone
Waitin for you
Til 3 o'clock in the morn
And when you came home, you'd always have some sorry excuse.
And explainin to me, like I'm just some kinda fool
I sacrifice the things I want to and do things for you
But when it's time to do for me, you never come through
Now you, wanna be a bond of me (eyyy)
Now you, have so much to say to me (heyy)
Now you, wanna make time for me
What you do to me.
You confusin me
Don't play with me
Don't play with me.
Cause what goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back to me
What goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back
I remember when
I was sittin home alone
Waitin for you
Til 3 o'clock in the morn
Night after night
Knowin sumthing goin on
Wasn't home befo me
You was,you was gone
Lord knows it wasn't easy, but believe me.
Never thought you'd be the one that would deceived me.
And never do wha u was supposed to do
No need to hose me fool, cause I'm ova you
Cause what goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back to me
What goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
Gotta stop tryin, to come back to me
What goes around, comes around.
What goes up, must come down.
It's called Karma baby.
And it goes around.
What goes around, comes around,
What goes up, must comes down,
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back to me

Alicia keys....
my idol..hahhaa

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|2:31 AM

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

inilah aku...

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|4:51 PM

uh....Erm.. yesterday wen east coast with irena! bet...having great tym heading there n happy jer.we buy food at bedok interchange punye food court saner..tot wana buy at east coast but we are tired n too lapar.kebuluran dong..erm..and i beli nasi goreng seafood while ina beli nasi goreng ayam..sedap gak..abg yg jual hansem lak tuh...hehe. der jer aku nie. and at last tomorow is my off day for 2 full daes..
ponat dong..mau tidur aje aku skrg nie.but aku wanna watch tv..hehe.
Semalam..aku isap 4 batang rokok pall mall menthol..ntah..feel like wana smoke so y not ryte.,,herm.. cool...

oh yar..after werk i go back home.then i watch crite berlari ke langit,ade makna sey tat story.bagus..pasal agama,cinta,kekayaan,kemiskinan,ketagih dadah..n artis si siti sarah tuh..bluueeekk! hmmmpphh... i wanna go watch tv3 ler.. i type later can?? or besok.. erk..ppsssstttt!!! fuad sakit,demam n flu...kesian dier...hehhee.. nyte 2 u!

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|12:55 PM

Monday, January 24, 2005

23Rd january 2005....1 month more to his birthday..dunno wat present to bought 4 him..erm...c lah..maybe after my gaji ke. watch??perfume??pants??boxer again??nah..let me tink kay?? sumthing tat is worth it 4 him..remember 4 lives..ahakz...! dis few daes,dier tak layan aku sangat,aku tanye sepatah,dier jawab sepatah...tak reply pun ade msg aku...haiz!!! tu tandanya,he never treure me n only need me for the sake of hi sex needs..am i ryte?? nevermindlah..only god noes it.whu noe,after his parents wen haji,he insaf n wana get away from me?anything posibble can happen tau..whu noe god nak jauhkan aku dari dier??biarlah...aku takde kuasa bertahan lagik..eheheheh!

tadi petang kambing banyak sampai..da banyak disembelih oleh sukarelawan masjid..lhamdulilah.... semalam maklong n kaklong datang..anak kaklong Danish Firdaus!ahakzzz...cutenyer! terpikat siak aku.nasib lah kau tu kecik tau..kalo tidak??heheh..da lama ku tackle..very the cute..tembab..hehe
last but not least...aku doakan ibu bapanya selamat menjalani ibadah haji di tanah suci makkah..insyallah...amin! dan juga sihatkan ibu bapa ku dan amankanlah famili ku..abg2 ku dan juga..aku sendiri.berilah aku kekuatan untuk menempuh segalanya dalam hidup..
selamatkan si dia..dalam hatiku..jika benar dier yg akan bertahta dihatiku..kau bukakan hatinya ke jalan yg benar..amin!
nk tdo lah..penat..besok pagi..bubbyeyeee

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|3:15 PM

Saturday, January 22, 2005

selamat raya!! hehe..erm,21st jan 05 pulak hari raya haji,cepat Sungguh ye masa berlalu.aku pon da keje 7-11 seminggu pulak. Bosan pulak asik keje 7-11 jer.haiz..baru 1 week sey.nx week semua pagi nyer shift.haiz...nasib baik ar..coz aku ptg free,bleh carik keje n go out pulak tuh.alhamdulilah,Syukur..

NaRi Sharul pi umah kakak dier..celebrte ray there lor,coz their parents go haji ryte?hmm...hopefully he insaf n kembali ke pangkal jalan lah..haiz..i've been saying tis 4 too many tyme..but it still doesnt werk..haiz! mcm ner?? tkpelah..allah je yg tahu segalanye..
aku nk tgk tv lah.. selamat beraya !

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|4:23 AM

Friday, January 21, 2005

dah 3 hari aku selamat menjalani ibadah puasa ...hmm,syukurlah..semuanya BeRjalan dengan lancar..cepat sekali masa berlalu.tak kuduga,sudah tibe hari raya haji esoknye..
PeRgi haji Ertinya Menuju ALLAh yg Esa,membawa hati dan Diri yg hina..Memberi hadiah kepada Allah..berhati2 lah pergi mengerjakannya...hmm...its true lor..! haiz.... satu hari nanti,aku bertekad ingin mengerjakan umrah..setidak-tidaknyerlah.. inyallah..suatu hari nanti biler ade kemampuan nya.. pati diana amat menenangkan sekali,aman..dekat kan diri disisi tuhan..allah.. Erm,amin! hehehe.. bulan 1 atau januari nie,haiz..betul punye bankrupt ah,then no money sey.family problem pon belambak2..haiz..dugaan,cabaran dan rintangan nie semua haru aku lalui dengan hati yg penuh kesabaran,ketabahan daN banyakkan berdoa.

Aku tahu,Diri aku sendiri tak pernah betul,aku tahu Segala kealahan aku di dunia ini,aku edih dengan keadaan hidup aku,diri aku Sendiri,tapi aku tahu ini semua takdir tuhan pada aku.aku harus terima dengan rela hati.. ibu bapa sharul berada di makah/madinah menunaikan ibadat haji..yati berdoa agar pakcik dan makcik selamat dan mendapat haji yg mabrur...hmm...saya pun doakan kedua anak lelaki pakcik dan makcik dapat berubah menjadi Seorang anak yg baik.. terutamanya,sharul nizam.. insyallah..amin!

Semalam,Sekali lagi aku dan mak pergi johor,angah pon buat pertama kalinya pi jb..hehehe.best! we took taxi too...easy,then mak beli roti,kek pisang utk hari raya.dapat beli rokok jugak..best!
lat 16 jan..aku ade beli pall mall menthol.. nak amek atu lah..then the rest kasi sharul maybe..tengoklah mcm ner.. i miz u! hehe,baru 1 week,aku msg dier tat day hes outfield..nari balik nyer lah tuh..
esok raya pe..take cr dear...miz u always! no one can brek my heart n tole my heart from u..although we r not Attached yet!!

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|1:40 PM

Thursday, January 20, 2005

SElamat pagi..hehe,i juz came back from werk..11-7am..sampai terlajak 1 bus stop sey naik 962..heheeh!! listening to TAUFIK song from his latest album...BLESSINGS! such a sweet n nice voice u had taufik! im so touch n u will be my idol..always!

yesterday i msg him..hes out to outfiled..i gues t lim chu kang again!tat hutan ler..yishun mane ade hutan??? hmm...im counting the de 4 u dear...the daes u gona go brunei n the daes u gona end ur NS!! hhaahaha.u must be damn happy kan?? n im here..worry so much bout u..erk?? y huh?? i luv u! hahaha! semlm mak suruh aku tunikan puasa 3 ari sebelum raya haji..sekiranya aku puasa esok 9 zulhijjah,hari khamis-20 januari 2005,terampun lah dosa 2 tahun aku.
erm..aku try jer...mak suruh,tak salah kan puasa?? antara tuhan nak terima ke tidak,itu terpulang padanya sebab dier yang maha berkuasa.
im bit upset with sumone whu i can kol my gud fren,shes from same ite as me lor..n 1st yr same class..sad to say,wen i tell her about the puasa thing just for her info,she suddenly say sumthing that makes me turn down! haiz....sob sob! "haiz yati,wlu brpe byk hari khamis pon kau puasa untuk ampunkan dosa tapi ku buat lagi...buat ape puasa sekiranya kita sendiri tk bertaubat dan maseh nak buat dosa,aku bukn nak mengejek,arogant atau sombong tapi betul apekan?? haiz..trus aku turn down siak! ya allah...ku berpuasa niat hati suci bersih murni ini kerana kau dan kerana agama ku sendiri. bukn keran paksaan dari sesiapa.aku tahu aku banyak dosa dan tk semudah itu ku akn maafkan kesalahan aku tuhanku..tapi aku sedar,aku maseh bertuhankan ku allah ku..ape salahnya aku berpuasa??? niat aku ikhlas,terima tidak i dun care..as long as i got the responsibilities n initiative to do it! i just need 3 thing in my life...a gud family,i need him n i want a better future 4 myself...tats all...i dun need other thing n i dun need other guys out there whu dun respect n dun luv me 4 wt i am...i noe he lso dun reali luv me,but he still frens with me although im not up to his standard..i treure the moments i spent with him..n just need got to not seperate us! if god were to,aku redha,tapi aku akan sentiasa bersyukur dan menyintai dier seorang saja dalam hayat aku ini.. biar nyawa berpisah dari badan..kau takkan aku lepaskan! ewah!!

well...people..just remember,u urself are never perfect to judge others fault..i noe my fault n i noe wt im doing! theres always a reason behind it kay?? get it?? so..get a life!! sucks!!! wanna slip...later going jb...morning!!

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|12:07 AM

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Sumtimes when i think back...i try to recall,whose fault is it actually?? i wanna noe,but until now,there no answer,no reason 4 anything that happen..im just thinking and thinking..wat happen to my family now??im so obsess in noeing it! haiz...so sad..im born in a family where everyone never care of each other...except for my mum who is lwys there 4 me in my up and downs,my study,my life,whether its horibble or not,she is always there 4 me..shes my MUM! my very beloved mum! i noe mum i did many wrong things n create problems but i noe ur sacrifice,ur way of bringing me up as ur one and only daughter who u luvs very much! i did luv u more then evrything in my life.i luv dd too but u're the one who always care for me.im sorry mum 4 wat had happen..its becos i luv him too,i really luv him mum! erm....wat i shud do?? if i got the choice i wnt him to be ur son in law!! haha.but mum...hes not i guess..there no limit on how much i luv him n u in tis round world.. people mite be thinking.y must luv him wen he dun luvs me??? im sick n tired of tat question..i got only my own reason to explain.. i luv him..and will only be him...

As a Dad,he has his own tanggungjawab in bringing up his child..but..not my dad..he not..n never..i just dun noe y he like tat.never will i get a chance in talking to him about this things.about family problems too..hmm... thlah..org dtg umah mintk duit lah..itulah inilah,n my along!!!! go awy lah u..i dun like talking n listening to all ur stupid shits! wat e fuck!!wake up man! u got the ryte if u're a brother to me n angah!but u sound n show u as if dun haf any relations with us! arrgghh....

sharul dad n mum was at makkah..performing haji..insyallah... i hope,there will get a mabrur haji..n i just hope their son will change for better n gud..let him feel sumthing tat i feel! plz god..help him n me! please dun seperate my heart from him... i just hope he will be better..better son too..n better fren to me.. i luv u..n will always luv u dear...no words can tell how much deep inside my heart the luvs is!! aku keje malam........... 11-7!! aaarrgghhhh..gud luck yati..the tym will cum soon..hahahaha! nites!!

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|12:14 PM

Sayu hatiku ,berDetik mengenangkan raya haji yang bakal menjelma tidak lama lagi...Bile mengenangkan kembali..knapa jadi begini?? knp ini semua terjadi dalam hidup aku ini.aku telah banyak berdosa pada allah.aku tau aku telah buat dosa yg tak teRampun oleh kau tuhan,Demi allah,bukan kehendak aku aku yang mahu ia terjadi tetapi.. aku tahu ini adelah suratan,dugaan untuk aku dalam hidup.Sudah tertulis dlm buku yang aku telah dijadikan begini..apa yg terjadi dulu,sekarang dan akan datang adelah dari allah..aku redha dan terima dengan rela hati..hari Jumaat,14 Januari 2005 adelah hari yg amat indah buat aku! hahahaaa,ape ketidak..hari itulah aku dapat berjumpa dengan irena,sharul...hmmm...Dan buat pertama kali dalam hidup,ku ditemankan oleh dier dimalam hari..waktu lena..ahakzz...yesh!! i like it coz,its 1st tym of my life doing it 4 the sake of being together with him haha..he ajak,tapi aku tak bleh lah,coz i cant overnite pe..tapi aku da masak dengan perangai parents aku yg tak akan benarkan aku pegi umah org lain walau umah kwn baik mcm ina sekalipon..tapi,dalam hidup,kenalah berani menghadapi cabaran,berani buat berani tanggung u noe..erm,so its pengalaman in my life to do it.a pleasure,,hahaha! but im caught in the middle like i always said,pengalaman memberi aku erti kehidupan.kerana sayang,akan aku lakukan apa saja untuk diri nye yg membahayakan diri aku ini...hanya tuhan yang tahu mengapa aku lakukan begitu..

Morning aku keje dekat 7-11 mcm biaser then aku balik and go to meet iren to buy n meet TAUFIQ BATISAH hahhahaa...live n dapt tengok dier tiga kali..1st at paragon(gramaphone),then i bought his cd sane[17.95],after that go all the way to HMV,then i go to CINELEISURE[sembawang] again just to meet him ler..haha..funny siah! then take his pic kat handphone aku! dapat tengok pat cermin pon jadilah ye!tapi depan2.,kuketuk cermin tu nak tengok dier! hahahah..giler! sanggup siak yati dgn irena nie!
then after tat we balik...then i home n eat nasi ayam,mandi semua then mit him after he book out from camp..he fetch me naik cab from yishun..belikan adik dier nasi lemak..but he pulak tak makan.dier ckp no mood to eat..then belikan aku twisties curry n green apple mentos..hahaa..i ask to...naik cab from yishun he drop kat admiralty.then naik cab lain to teban..kene 12.40..he pay lor..buat pe aku bayar kan??hmm...but he look reali tired..hes face..i can c,hmmm...kesian dier..time tdo pon dier dengkur...too tired in camp..tapi aku yang tak boleh tido sey..tak tenteram langsung..tk boleh tido,kejap bangun,kejap tido.. haiz...pe nak buat.. aku nak kejut dier pon tak jadi..biarlah dier.i dun want to diSturb him.. he fren datang rumah 1-2 pagi dengan adik dier khairul amri...nyanyi2 karaoke,lepak2..he never join..coz he temankan aku ler..haha...pe nak buat.he a bit angry with amri lar coz dorg dtg then how?? haha! erm..then i go back at in the afternoon 15 jan..straight to werk.. wt i can say,i really Spend gud tyme with him tat nyte!! i really like it n will treasure the moments with him...ahahah.. im Crazy for u..one n only u..n i cant luv other ryte now bside u..hmm....
mom,dad n brother make a big deal bout it..kecoh siak..turun 7-11 semua..after i bluff them..haha..Sad to say..ape punca kejadian nie semua??sampai along,angah dan juga aku...but hal mcm nie?? sumtymes i think back..is it my parents fault??their way of bringing us up?? how bout sharul parents??did they noe wat happen to their son??they go haji sumore.. aku serba salah jugak..but..i noe i did nuting wrong,it me muyelf whu want it n me myself whu did it,not others!haiz... long2 story..dunno wat gonna happen next in the future..god..allah ku yang satu..aku harap sangat,satu hari kau akan dApat satukan hatiku dan hatinya berdua kerana aku tahu kedua hati ini memerlukan masing2..amin..insyallah...!!!

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|5:30 AM

Sunday, January 16, 2005

its been 4 daes me not spending my time blogging bout my life..haiz..i've been bz n very lazy to type on! im tuck in the middle of nowhere nowadays,where fuad??? can u help me please?? i need u my dear fren...haiz....i reali need u! hehee....FUAD!!!!
erm...ape aku nie?? angaukan fuad yer?? yar..i am! cos..hes a gud fren 2 me! ryte now..chatting with my fren kat net..aku dengar i khai n fadz got new handphone...mcm loaded jer..bagus eh!tapi..aku dengan azza??? mcm kene buang ke tepi gituk..sob sob! biarlah.... i got nuting to say! u noe ayun??? blk 631?? yg hensem tuh?? diernye cuzin keje kat KFC admiRalty..tat manager!iSh..but ayun iS much more hansem then ever!hehhe..mcm FFFFFuuuAAAADDD....erk??? kan?? yati kan??hehehhee.....
eh..get back to u later... i got a lot to type..need to do umthing first!bubbyyyeeeee..

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|9:25 PM

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Penat aku berjalan...mencari dan mencari dimana tempat untuk aku mencaRi rezeki yang halal... nah!! tak dapat ataupon tak sesuai langSung! Da dapat nanti..aku pulak yg tolak..mcm kene cuRse erm...!
entahlah...aku boleh dikatakan senang nak cari pendapatan..Satu hari 4 keja aku cari..empat2 datang dan panggil aku keje tempat mereka! mcm ner tuh??? rezeki tu ada dimana2...tawakal jelah..yg penting keje tu sesuai atau tidak dengan kita. yg paling penting itulah dier! hanya tuhan tahu..mane tempat sebenarnya aku harus mencari rezeki...insyallah..adelah Suatu hari nanti..berbalik pada crita keje,aku baru saje dapat 7-eleven nie,dan di Sembawang MRT station..kan Senang,aku hanya perlu naik 962..So easy liao..! as a part tymer jer,insyallah,aku boleh keje lain naNti..aku kan nak carik oFis job aje.. 3.50 per hour pon jadilah,sape nak kasi aku?? betul?? hmmm........ i msg sharul...im luv sick! wt if 1 day u go away from me dear?? i will be missing u baDly man!!damn baD cuz deep inide my hert there's only u..hmmm..wt about adinho?? am i in luv with him?? i tink i fell for him..argghhh....hes my fren!! only fren...hmm.... he such a nice guy!realy...oouuccchh... gtg..bubyyee!

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|12:43 PM

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

~~~~~Sesungguhnya...Agama disisi ALLAh adelah ISLAM..~~~~
erm..i read that from book just now,from libRary,dah lama tak jejakkan kaki ke library WoodLands..lupe ku nk bilang,No morE that ofis job for me becos,i can't tahan n i dun even get to kol anyone.. takde orang nk beli..sedih eh?? sum say no money..kesian.. i noe how they feel siah..erm..we cant force them to buY coz they dun reali trust u..hahaha..pi mampoZ laR!!!! aku nak carik keje ofis lain... insyallah dapat! berkat kesabaran ku..okies??? eh...tell u sumting.. the feeling is getting deeper n deeper,,ahakz... takboleh yati...he just ur fren!!! remember...hahhahaah.. klah..need to eat n rest.. update 2morow kay?? a'kum.....

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|3:06 AM

Monday, January 10, 2005

asssalammualaikum....wweeehhheeee!!! dah lama tak tulis kisah hidup seharian aku eh..erm,well tis few daes i'm feeling a bit down wen he dun msg me. but yesterday he did.. and yesterday also my other guy frens like FadzLi,Fuad,Wan,ZhaF semua msg2 aku n even si AleX!! hahahaha,dia miz me tak keje kat GWC! awww...so touch lah! hes the guy i bought the handphone 7260 from! taktau maner nak dilayan! guess wat???khai sudah ade ma'am erk..but 1 thing i dun like about him..he lupa kawan2..lupa aku,azza...aarrgghhh!!! merepek! members macam nie! lawa sangat ke tu pompan ar?? galz.....please! if u haf a guy,Dun ever sEperate him From his Gud frens..n dun Control him too much n Use ur beauty to attract him!plZZZZ!!!! beauty is not forever ..loves to sum1 doesnt end...rarely.. Frens...aRe always Foreva !! dun eva 4get that shit! Sad to Say im missing my /gud fren 4 mths n mths..n tats khai n fadz!!!

Aku Da dapat keje dah..as CUsToMeR SeRvIce OFFiCer or TeLEMakeTTer leR..heeeyyya...! at last i get n ofis job!n i will be there..insyallah...i will werk there 4 my own gud! money n my family who i luv very very very ++++++++++++ much!!! Arrggghhhhh without them im not in tis werld!! my job is just Answering phone calls,sales and talk to customer thru phone! erm..ok lar tuh..better!! duduk..n every item i sell i get 1 point! kalo dpt jual banyak lagi mesti happi giler nyer!! hehee! erm...mcmner?? insyallah aku akan cube sedaya supaya aku untuk aku sendiri!! okies... kau tau tak??? semlm..Adinho[fuad] kol me tru private number but i never pick up..u noelah me!! never pick up phone one ryte??? n its him!! shit! its him!! he tell me about tat! oh no!! hehehee..he luk lyk khai...hansem...n polite,fun,caring n sweeet!!! definetely..but..im his gud fren..n hes mine...maner leh lebih??? takpelah...aku tak kisah! wait!!semalam jugak birthdAy nyer fadzli!! asal takde yang bagitu ar?? haiz...SEdih..kesian fadz sayang aku nie!!hehe...oklah...i need to kemAs my Drawer! cupboard!staRting my new job need to where baju yg presentable n kemas! erm..ofis gal! ahakzz!! kkk...bubyyee...blog again later!

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|1:40 AM

Friday, January 07, 2005

It does not matter if you have someone in yr mind, someone in your heart or someone in your life..Wat matter most is.. I am tat someone when you have noone..

I jUz WaNt SoMeOne To LoVe Me SinCeReLy DeEp FrOm HiS HeArT...
NoT SoMeOnE WhO NeEds My LoVe JuZ BeCaUse ThEy LaCk It FroM SoMeOne ThEy LoVe...

M not perfect to judge myself.I belief there r sumwan out there to correct me for wat is wrong n to show me wat is right.Im not a pretender n I don act well coz i m myself.

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|6:00 PM

erk....Satu kali..Semua kol!! ish..mcm ner ar?? mane nak pilih nie???
ish....macam maner?? haiz... after i left TCC.. i get Seagate amk the next day...then..i go fish and co..kat bugis plak..trus..they gif me a kol..tadik... but,tru home phone.. trus..yest also i go Swensens... dpt jugak.exactly at 5 pm..they kol me!! erm... mcm ner?? tadi plak ku pi try ofis job..erm...its under body language pulak.. tak tau dpt ke tidak..ahahahaha!!! besok b4 5 pm they will kol me n if im shortlisted..i get..erk...hopefully... mon\tues\thur from 10-7..then wed\fri from 10 to 9 pm..trus tuh..sat half day from 9.30 to 1.30..erm..how eh??? kalau dpt sunday permanent off day and i can rest...but i gues..im gona werk part tym also if can...hmmm....lets c then...tomoro..after 5 i'll get my own answer n c which ever suits me n i go..im so fickle minded!!! time aku taknak..semua kol..time nak..haiz..semua tak kol..leceh!! itu lh rezeki allah namanyer...kalau taknak..aku kenalah tolak dengan baik.. aku harap mane yg baik tuhan akan berikan pada aku... ok lar..bbuubbyyyeee!!!!

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|12:00 PM

Thursday, January 06, 2005

EMINEM LYRICS

"Mockingbird"

Yeah
I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now
But hey, what daddy always tell you?
Straighten up little soldier
Stiffen up that upper lip
What you crying about?
You got me

Hailie I know you miss your mom and I know you miss your dad
Well I'm gone but I'm trying to give you the life that I never had
I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh
I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry
Cuz you're scared, I ain't there?
Daddy's with you in your prayers
No more crying, wipe them tears
Daddy's here, no more nightmares
We gon' pull together through it, we gon' do it
Laney uncles crazy, aint he?
Yeah but he loves you girl and you better know it
We're all we got in this world
When it spins, when it swirls
When it whirls, when it twirls
Two little beautiful girls
Lookin' puzzled, in a daze
I know it's confusing you
Daddy's always on the move, mamma's always on the news
I try to keep you sheltered from it but somehow it seems
The harder that I try to do that, the more it backfires on me
All the things growing up his daddy that he had to see
Daddy don't want you to see but you see just as much as he did
We did not plan it to be this way, your mother and me
But things have gotten so bad between us
I don't see us ever being together ever again
Like we used to be when we was teenagers
But then of course everything always happens for a reason
I guess it was never meant to be
But it's just something we have no control over and that's what destiny is
But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep
Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream

[Chorus]
Now hush little baby, don't you cry
Everything's gonna be alright
Stiffen that upper lip up little lady, i told ya
Daddy's here to hold ya through the night
I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why
We feel how we feel inside
It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby
But i promise momma's gon' be alright

It's funny
I remember back one year when daddy had no money
Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up
And stuck 'em under the tree and said some of 'em were from me
Cuz daddy couldn't buy 'em
I'll never forget that Christmas I sat up the whole night crying
Cuz daddy felt like a bum, see daddy had a job
But his job was to keep the food on the table for you and mom
And at the time every house that we lived in
Either kept getting broke into and robbed
Or shot up on the block and your mom was saving money for you in a jar
Tryna start a piggy bank for you so you could go to college
Almost had a thousand dollars till someone broke in and stole it
And I know it hurt so bad it broke your momma's heart
And it seemed like everything was just startin' to fall apart
Mom and dad was arguin' a lot so momma moved back
On the Chalmers in the flat one bedroom apartment
And dad moved back to the other side of 8 Mile on Novara
And that's when daddy went to California with his CD and met Dr. Dre
And flew you and momma out to see me
But daddy had to work, you and momma had to leave me
Then you started seeing daddy on the T.V. and momma didn't like it
And you and Laney were to young to understand it
Papa was a rollin' stone, momma developed a habit
And it all happened too fast for either one of us to grab it
I'm just sorry you were there and had to witness it first hand
Cuz all I ever wanted to do was just make you proud
Now I'm sittin in this empty house, just reminiscing
Lookin' at your baby pictures, it just trips me out
To see how much you both have grown, it's almost like you're sisters now
Wow, guess you pretty much are and daddy's still here
Laney I'm talkin' to you too, daddy's still here
I like the sound of that, yeah
It's got a ring to it don't it?
Shh, momma's only gone for the moment

[Chorus]

And if you ask me too
Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird
I'mma give you the world
I'mma buy a diamond ring for you
I'mma sing for you
I'll do anything for you to see you smile
And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine
I'mma break that birdies neck
I'd go back to the jewler who sold it to ya
And make him eat every carat don't fuck with dad (haha)

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|3:50 PM

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

I'm thankful for the talent in which God gave me
And I'm thankful for the environment that he placed me
Believe it or not, I thank my mom for how she raised me
It only made me what I am today, see
Regardless of what anybody believes who hates me
You ain't gonna make or break me
I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now
Well I'm gone but I'm trying to give you the life that I never had
I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh
I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry
everything happen for a reasons....

taken from Eminem Lyrics!!!

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|8:42 AM

Monday, January 03, 2005

all my blog can see tat i've been writing n typing bout life..fate..luv..hahaha..how about myself?? ok2..
im turning 21 dis year 25 july 2005..then i get my own key!! that doesnt mean im free ryte?? im still under control n under my dad n mum..family owns me! hehe...i wa born round 7+,maghrib time.. n i herd thoe who born during maghrib bagus..hehehe!! entahlah...then, the hospital was at alexandra hospital..i stay at henderson rd..n i was grown up there till sec 1..in sec 2..my dad just get a new home at wdls...admiralty area...my PAP skul is at BLK 93 henderson rd..then followed by keng seng primary school dekat delta and i join dncing2..haha..malay Dance,dikir!! my hair was very long that tym n when im in malay class,my cikgu TUMINAh always ken trik seysedih eh......then after pri 6,i when to my 1st choice of school at Queensway SEC... unbelievble..i passed all my subject n get into sec 1 Normal aCademic..1st choice lagik!! waaaaddduuhhhh..hahaha!! gerek!! then, i join Netball halfway then join library..

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|5:07 PM

My life in 2004 is so bored n hectic...i hate it.. beginning of month from january to may..im in school having another 5 worst bored mths in school...arrgghh..wat a boring yer it is..spent most of my tyme werking in coffee bean...and haiz..wait...
june..the results were out... i finally passed n im out of ITE BALEsTIER..hahha..happy n so proud to get the cert..heheehe..well..wat to do...i cant go to poly n i dunt want to..
july..is the mth where i turn 20 n finlly there a number 2 on my age period,..sucks!! hmm..tat mth..sharul wen to brunei..3 weeks..n i miz him lots,wen he came back.he bought me a necklace..with the luv shape.hmm..ape tandanyer??? bluueeek...da pakai gatal pulak..hehehe!
takpelah..i still kip it..memory from him to me..although im not his..but i get the present ! August--noting lh..my derest mum bdae n i quit motorola factory..y?? cnnot stand n too lazy to werk..hheee.
then..september?? 2 yrs werking at cbtl...october..nuting lor..
november..end of the year.i quit cbtl...jut becos of tat LISA!!
n 7-12-04 i get into tcc but i then quit lor...hahaha! boring! dec..i quit..n i finlly lost all jobs! so sueh!!

2005.......................wat will happen then??
will my luv be in Return??? will my family be happy??
will my life be great??? will i still be single??
will i finally find the meaning of life,love??

tdi..i watch 'di persimpangan..' then..theres a phrase tat nadia fazlini cakap.. dengan dier, saya bercinta..tapi tak pernh kenal ertinya cinta..tapi..bile dengan abang,saya tak bercinta tapi saya kenl erti cinta..hmm..ape eh?? tak faham siak...tak semua percintaan akan berakhir dengan perkahwinan...erm... apsal taknak ckp..tak semua perkahwinan akan berakhir dengan percintaan eh??
pabila sudah bernikah...wajib kita melayan suami..tak layan,kita berdosa..apsal eh?? kenapa suami tu penting sgt pada kita?? pada aku..ibu bapa itu amat penting dlm hidup kita nie..tapi kenapa suami yg dipertikaikan..??ahhh.......wateva shit..1 day i will found out
im still young to understand tis maybe...siapelah jodoh aku tu eh??? setiap insan yg dijadikn tuhan..dilahirkn ibu..telh ditakdirkan kehidupan dan nasib nyer..setiap yg jadi ade kebaikan dan keburukan..

"tidak de sesuatu kesusahan [atau bala bencana]yg ditimpakan di bumi ,dan tidak juga [yg menimpa]diri kmu,melainkan telah sedia ade didalam kitab[pengetahuan kami] sebelum kami menjadikannya..sesungguhnya mengadakan yg demikian itu adalah mudah bagi Allah..." --surah al-hadid ayat 22..

contoh tsunami...ia telah ditakdirkan tuhan terlebih dahulu sebelum kejadian seperti itu berlaku..tidak kira kejadian itu berlaku di dalam negara atau di luar negara..,semua itu adalah ketetapan yg telah ditulis dalm suratan takdir..

ia amat indahcinta byk pengorbananya....indah lagi jika kita dicintai org ... disayangi...kite tak akan kenal ertinya selagi kita tidak benar mengalami dan berada di situasi itu...tak semua percintaan akan berakhir dgn pernikahan...dan tak mungkin jug org yg kita syg kita akan dpt...jgn terlalu membenci sesorg.kerna org yg dibenci itulah yg akan...........
hmmm.......ntah eh...hahaha!! jiwang ah yati..mepek...
klah...bubyyyeee.... sambung esok kay???

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|4:05 PM

kenapa dunia ini terlalu banyak cabaran nyer??tak faham aku..allah jadikan kite perpasang-pasangan..tuhan tunjjukkan berikan/ kelemahan,kekurangan,kesusahan,kesenangan,tapi tiada yang mensyukurinya..demi tuhn..ku tak tahu mengap aku dijadikan dan dilahirkan ke dunia ini..terasa penuh diri ku ini dengan dosa..dengan kesalahan..tapi aku tetap harus meneruskan kehidupan ini..bile aku tanya diri aku sendiri..."mengapa aku harus menjadi mangsanya??" diriku akan jawab "sabar sajalah yati...ia adalah dugaan dari tuhan,allah yg telah menentukan hidup kite ini sebelum kita dilahirkan ke dunia ini..apa yg harus kita lakukan hanylah banyak berdoa,bersabar..insyallah..satu hari nanti kehidupan kita akan senang dan dirahmati tuhan yg esa.."

bagiku...setiap manusia aku tahu akan bersikap..."keburukan diri sendiri tanak tgk..keburukan org lain dipertikaikan..."

hmm....betul..betul sekali yati...kau hanya harus bersabar..
ya allah... sampai bilakah harus aku bersabar dengan kehadiran SI dia didalam kehidupan ku seharian ini?? kenapa kau tak mahu aku tegas padanya?? adakah aku akan dikecewakan dia satu hari kelak..kenapa tuhan?? 3 thn 7 bulan lamanya aku mengenalinya..hingga kini kau maseh belum membuka pintu hatinya untuk memahami diriku ini?? ku sedih dan aku hairan sekali..ape tujuan sebenarnya kau menemukan aku dgnnya?? is it becos u want me to meet the wrong person 1st b4 meeting the ryte one?? is it?? ahh....pening sekali aku memikirkannya..terlalu menyusahkan kehidupan aku ini tuhan...namun walau apepun..aku akan sabar menanti ape akan terjadinya satu hari nanti pada hubungan aku dan dier...adakah ia kesudahannye?? amat perit untuk aku melepaskannya tuhan..kerana dierlah satu2 nya..yg 'bertahta' di hati ku ini,yg telah menambat hati ini...kini dan selamanya...

org tak pernah faham...tak kan pernah faham kenapa aku begitu berat meninggalkan dan melupakannya...dengan cara dier melayan aku..dier tidak pernah menilai aku dan menghargai aku dalam kehidupannya...aku sedih..kenapa aku tidak disayangi seperti org lain??tidak dicurahkn kasih sayang seperti manusia lain?? kenapa aku tidak seperti rakan2 dan temanku tuhan?? mereka disayangi,dicintai..dibelai.. tapi aku?? dibelai hanya ketika dier memerlukan aku dan melepskan nafsunya..
kenapa hanya sementara aku dibelai sebegitu tuhanku?? kenapa tidak selamanya??ape kekurangan aku untuk mengotakan kemahuannya?? aku tidak faham dan tidak kan faham tuhan... pedih hati ini..terluka seperti kaca yg berderai bile mengenangan kata2 yg telah dilontarkan kepadaku suatu masa dulu.. setelah aku curahkan\korbankan cinta..kasih..sayang..nyawa dan badanku padanya..ape yg aku dapat?? tiada?? tiada ape yg aku terima dari dia...aku telah lama bertahan dengan situasi ini.. biar ape jadi..aku relakan ia terjadi dan aku rela ape saje yg tuhan akan lakukan pada ku..

**jika kau mahu aku tinggalkan..... ku tak sanggup berhadapan..
jika kau mahu aku lupakan...... ku tak sanggup melupakan...
jika kau mahu aku tempuh.... akan ku tempuh dgn kesabaran...
jika kau mahu aku lepaskan... aku tak sanggup melepaskannya..
jika kau takdirkan.... aku terima dengan kesyukuran...
walau apepun tuhan...akan ku tanggung segala kesusahan..kepedihan..rahmat tuhan padaku ....
biar nyawa berpisah dari badan...aku rela... yg pasti...biarlah aku sendiri yg menanggungnya..payahnya...kesudahannya...
tiada insan lain yg dapat mengantikannya dlm hatiku yg perit ini...
tiada siapa yg dapat membalut luka ku ini melainkan dia tuhanku....
biar sakit diri ini...biar aku yg tanggung segalanya sendiri....
biar aku tuhanku...aku rela...kehendak ilahi... allah yg esa...
aku yakin..tuhan akan membantuku satu hari kelak...biar aku seorang didunia...aku rela...asalkan kau berikan rahmat padanya,..untuk kembali ke pangkal jalan...tak pernah ku minta lebih dari itu...
hanya bantulah diri ku ini...aku sanggup menahan kepedihan yg menghancurkan hatiku ini... astargfirullahalazim.. allah huakbar!!

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|7:00 AM

I'm trying really hard not to cry over you
because every tear is just one more reminder
that I don't know how to let you go

Nobody is worth your tears,
and the one who is,
won't make you cry.

Never say the last goodbye
Use the past as something to frown
May it seems the bringings of immortal tears
Let it be Let it be
Its only psychological to put off our mind to cries
The loves soon will appear
To clear n droves those mishaps to drain..

"Human always see opportunity as something they have own, But they always have the great desire of owning the impossible"

I wore you eyes
Fit in yur favourite song
With yur last goodbye
I fumble out, what did i do wrong

I came to ask again
Darling are u still in love with me?
dat question goes till she tried to refrain
By den she says, "Ive someone else to b"

Its human nature to commit mistakes, they never fails i ndoing so and never succeed in learning from one"

The most extensive means of love, a beautiful one n yet undefineable thing that i could does to us..especially brokenhearteds. its and open mind and most truely account of what its all about.. its a wondering line of phrase that it set...

When there is love there is life - Mahatma Gandhi

I really wonder why do we want the impossible while there is plenty infront of us....

Its always been a fairy tale
To live life to the fullest
Without any second thoughts of its outcome
Not even a little care what others might say or think
Well, its hard to own a great desire of passionate dreams
Will always be a star in the sky
Hoping love will last
Let you always shine my world
So as to be the witness of our love
But...its late its too late
Everything have to end
Maybe this is the best way for us
And i must realise to face the reality..

"The meaning of my happiness
Is the smile of my beautiful surrounds.
In the moments of every laughter i heard
Is the end of every misery i see" - MooDs

i dont really exist in this world.. maybe what u see me outside or what is just a replica of my own..its just sumting u dream about only alive in fantasy

"Never judge by a glance, read on the author" - MooDs

"Try and draw a straight line on a piece of paper, you realise you fail in doing so..Because the world doesnt always holds a straight path ahead" - MooDs

I rather be in fantasy than living in reality" - MooDs

Tis poems i took from my Frens gleri..jom letak komen dier..hmm..the hndsome guy..ayun!! well...he always ad n always writing sad poems..hmm..klar..just a werd,poems n phrases to ligthen up my life...WWeeeeehhheeee.....!!

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|6:10 AM

my name....the Cretiveness of me...

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|5:10 AM

Sunday, January 02, 2005

my Pic..

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|3:50 PM

hah....dier sudah balik...syukurlah..telah sampai ke singapura dengan selamatnya..he say he turun golden mile..then naik cab home..hmmm...
eh...i miz u..n take cr dear...ahakkzzz....

btw..tadi aloNg datang..erm..dier bawak maggi goreng dengan apam balik from jb..haha,jadilah kan..at least ader makanan jugak..
talking about along..hmm..aku tgh pikirkan in 5 yrs tym..sape yg nk tolong bayar rumah aku nie..erm..my dad is 60..mum is 56,n..it almost depends on me or my brother azman...wat shud i do huh?? n me..i dunt get any permanent job yet..kip on changing n im so sick of it...Sedih but i dunt noe..suddenly my mind i full of emptiness.. dunt noe wat to do next n what steps hud i take further more in my life.. 8 yrs time....2010..where am i?? wt job am i gona be..which industry?? which area?? where will i live?? who will be my partner??
am i married?? am i still alive?? wt happen to my frens?? wt hppen to sharul?? will he be mine or......????? well....im 25 n nything can happen..will i stay n get to buy the house in m'sia?? did i??
haiz..sumtimes...i juz realised my mistakes...sumtime i dun..wt can i do?? im just hoping tat god save me from everything... sve my family..my frens..the dearest guy who i luv with my heart n soul..haha... god!!!! plz help me...i still wana improve myself..only u can help me god...haiz...Sad to say...but i still have to live... god..get me a job..plz...i need to ssupport my dad,my mum.....arrrggghhhh.....shit!! damn it man!!

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|3:50 PM

~~~happy new year hahaha!! 1St january 2005..so fast yah! erm..life so boreD n moRe more nowadays...u noe the song from exists?? "dengan atau tanpamu"?? begitu mendalam maknanya...aku suka pada irama lagu dan juga liriknya..begitu indah sekali.. Seperti yg diperkatakan..irama dan lagu tidak dapat dipisahkan..salah satu tiada seperti tiada maknanya..lirik lagu juga memainkan peranan yg penting..perkataan2 dan ayat2 yg mendalam membuatkan lagi lagu itu bermakna..seseorang yg dapat menilai erti sebuah lagu akan menyukai lirik,penyanyi dan juga iramanya. Dalam hidupku,muzik tidak akan dapat dipisahkan,kerana ia amat penting dlam hri2 ku..untuk mengisi kekosongan dn kesunyian hati ini..dgn adanya lagu,radio...disitulah dapat membantu aku melenyapkan kesunyian,kesedihan,kerinduan,kealpaan dan memberikan aku kekuatan untuk meneruskan kehidupan ..muzik adalah keperluan hidupku seharian..

"jika ditakdirkan tuhan..antara kita tiada jodoh suatu hari nanti
akan ku rela lepaskan mu...bir aku yg rasa kepedihn..bir ku yg rasakan..kesedihan..kekecewaan...tapi tk pernah ku kesal menyintai mu syg...biar takdir tuhan menentukan segalanya..antara kau dan aku..ape hikmah disebalik pertemuan ini.."

hmmm.......hes gona be back from kl today..,hope hes fine.. hope he message me too...its raining now..sharul..i luv u always..1 and only u..no matter how hurt i am..i will still luv ya..my heart n soul...!! thanks blog..for understanding me.... :P

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|6:30 AM

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Tika ku sentuh cinta
cinta melirihkan lara
gerak kerinduan sendiri tanpamu
kadang mengusutkan jiwaku

namun tetap tega jua
laluku temnpuhi semunya
cinta luhur di gelap menjadi cahaya
dengan mu hidup lebih bermakna

keyakinanku pun makin bertambah
semakin mudah kaki mengatur langkah
rasa tepatnya pilih hidup bersama dgnmu

sebelum terjatuh sakit yg tak tertanggung
atau kemungkinn langit esok mendung
di bawah langit yang terbuka
ku mohon rahmat tuhan yg esa

kalau ditakdirkan tuhan aku harus berhadapan
berakhirnya suatu ikatan
akan aku relakan
padah perpisahan
nyawa berpisah dari badan

kalau ditakdirkan tuhan berakhir di pertengahan
suratan sebuah percintaan
sanggup aku menahan
pedih perpisahan
walau menghiris perasaan
sakitnya biar aku yang rasakan...

lagu: Putra aiman (hijjaz sdn.bhd)
lirik: MusraD (ada exists sDn.bhd)

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|1:00 PM

Exists...

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|12:52 PM

aloha singapore..im back after 2 days spending my tym at KL.. with my dear mum..i took mc for the job actuali..i dun wana werk.now..im chatting with mar..abby...hehe..lama tk jumpe mar eh..padahal last week ru nampak dier dgn baju segak dier.,hehe..well... i enjoy my tym at KL...pegi Sri petaling,KLCC,LOT 10,Sungei Wang,Pasar seni@central market..naik bus from larkin to kl...at 1050am on thurs[29 dec]and then get back to sg by taking bus from puduraya [plaza rakyat] at 6pm n reach dlm pukul 10.45...kat bus stop sane waiting 4 912...hotel i stayed in is HOTEL FURAMA...hmm..RM168 per nite but dpt discount RM148 ajer...[$74]..cheap ryte?? haiz....boring ar bile sampai sg,...kene keje...itu ini..but skrg nie ku tk keje tau..hehehe...aku rasa aku cabut je mcm tuh lagik baik ar... i miz TCC but i cant live with people all around me man! well...stay away is better...i dun like the people there...aku tau aku dah buat byk kesalahan dgn tak dtg keje nie..cabut.,.tapi aku terpaksa.. ape bleh buat...da aku dijadikan begini..tuhn tu tahu ape yg berlku..lagipon..kt tcc de liquer..arak..i cant werk there..biarlah...later i'll story u kay...aku tau ku da apply factory...seagate...team A!!

ku tahu kan tentang gempa??kat sumatra??then tsunami..kesiankan??ramai manusia yg mati...aku doakan allah mencucuri rahmat mereka... insyallah... errrmm....my new year resolution... to be myself..lead the way as it is n be more matured.... have to asep the ups and down in life..for my future gud...takdir yg menentukan segalanya...ya allah...kau maha mengetahui ape yg akan tedjadi pada ku..duniaku..hidupku...amin!!

hope sharul have a safe journey back to singapore.... lots of luv..yati!!

NuR Cahaya Hatiku|12:45 PM

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